The one day ... three day public hols

and once I am resettled in this muddle abode ... I will seek outside pastures on my own and with others 

I did a seek time outside ...only to get supplies ... I did sit awhile to admire the view of those in summer gear and the white legs reappearing ...

Oops ...  phrase a carefully ...

I took photos of nature .. you cannot go to far wrong with that 

I admired spring in the air of humans fauna and flora 

taking those photos in a non tourist place 

Without kin teasing me either 

I have enjoyed many others undid y'all work. Those  who patiently take photos of the same thing over and over time.. show casing the cycle of stylised change ... 

Destination in Dark ...

Just as well ... 

I will attempt my outing tomorrow ... that was today ... which I decided not to do the day before 

... I did some cooking instead ... 

... My first three course meal in a while; by my own hands ... 

... basic in celebratory fashion with a toast non alcoholic ... 

... Starter ... 

... Egg Mayo on a bed of crisp lettuce ... 

... Main ... 

Steak with Chunky Chips and peas with a side salad 

 ... Desert ... 

... Our Special Ice Scream ...  

... followed by our luxurious decadent coffee ... 

I will have a shandy another time  ... when in a better frame of mind 

My body is rested ... My mind tis another matter 

Sizzled in the heat

of a cool May ...
one sozźled in a splash
cutting a decided dash
ready for me 'andsome
no longer there

Instead we had a merri
time in treats aplenny
and scooped up a fill
to have a spill
in this 'ere den
with only a hen ...

Nearly a week ...

... since I been out, so to speak.
The wonders in conflict
passes me by, a sky a sky...
yet another time to admire
the clouds all bubbly up high,
or grey mist in low, gives a glow ...

To wake up this day ...

...the wonder in the home of sway

Is this my stay come back to play

did that dark time exist in way,

or mind playing tricks in clay ...

Out the door I can fly ...

... everything to hand 

and able to stand.

Where once it took.

by hook or by crook,

a muster forsook ... 

in time to book ... 

Tucked inside

for too long ... time does run away with me ... A reminder this morning on waking with a nose bleed; to get out of this environment into the fresh air. This where hospitals were set up for this fresh air from the city.

These same hospitals making way for a superstore and more ... polluting the same air sought for its goodness ... 

It seems an age

this time in the weekend again  ... I think it was Friday went I was last out. I had literally better blow the cobwebs out.

The environment makes me laugh ... I found a puddle of water underneath something ... from the last time I had water ... 

And I came across the then new mutual exchange details in social housing. The notification from a time back 

A sign perhaps ... 

The connotations of food ...

... I don't have it easy when I am tired, the foods that was and are ... 

I have not eaten the last meal of the day yet 

I have come up to our superstore to see what can entice me 

A 25th day ... fast approaching ...

I have been tucked inside ... a duvet dayish ...

My version of pottering about in the past of clutter extremes in lounge wear ...

The silver will be passing by in no flurry of activity as would once be. Ironically coming across the third wedding anniversary and the honeymoon bits and bobs ... And others previously long past in the mass clearance and more clear along since now put aside scattered in the memory book or box places with the poems from hubby ...

I will not be wistful ... I have looked, seen and put aside ...

New memories in the making and organising the life I have now together for the place now to be  ...

... The best overall lasting gift ...  

A year worth of words and images ...

...in that time I have spent days in one after ... 

There is a world away from the world ... there is a mission in that ... 

The days where

one wonders what it is all about ...

Stayed in wrapped in the comfort of grief; that actually the world is not cold without your loved ones ... There touch of life linger beyond life and words ... 

Keeping within ...

...  to restore within, within ... 

A day of attempting to pamper thy self

And a bit of tidy up in the mess within the chaos to restore harmony  

... Mixed bag for a Friday ...

... shop 

I usually do this in the day 

This is a tiny peak of how unkempt you become 

I am so carried away with decluttering 

food is not thought of until your body reminds you 

I went out shopping after 9pm tonight 

I stayed in my jim jams 

I did not bother getting dressed today 

This time round ... they actually look like Pjs 

Fortunately that time of day I did not look out of place 

being labelled  a certain type of town 

Only hope I was not too smelly 

I did wash this am ... 

At least I have supplies in ... 

Today ... Is Different ...

I have still to pick up my medication 

My destination today is a soak in the bath to ease muscles not used in a while 

Tomorrow is errands and checking all is smooth in the finances we need to do 

I will pick up my prescription then 

I like being in my world ... I have to step out vaguely or I will seep into time with husband sooner than those you care would like ... 

I will proceed to next step of progress in plan in the removal of life tattered 

If I am not too tired there will be a quick shower to get rid the dust cloud 

I travelled into Dartford

this very evening ...

It was to embrace Thy Kingdom Come ... 

It was not without struggling with lots ... All the traumas of travelling out in this ambiance ... from the times when one moment someone suggest something one minute and blow cold the next ... It contributed to the death of hubby ...   

While I am typing this ... IL Divo are singing The Lords Prayer in my ear ...

In the depths

and deepest darkest parts from a home in depressed times ... 

... To opening up the curtains and some windows  and back on task in determination to get through this process of moving on ...

I know very well I get lost and absorbed. I have attempted small chunks of time in various ways ...

I have realised I have not been out ... Self sufficiency is my middle name ...

On Monday when I was invited to an event ... I pressed the going box ... I now have an outing to get ready for ... too...

... Thy Kingdom Come ... prayer meeting ... A challenge in itself for confidence. Only my sister knows ... that  travelling certain times are even more difficult than others ... This is one of those occasions ... 

Too shattered to go by far ...

... The air seeping in from outside in at least through the windows ... A trip or few out to the bin stores ... 

I hope to sit out in the various parks in town to stretch those muscles now getting access to use again, in the forthcoming week.

I hope to get back on a saddle too  ... All these aims in the aimless time past onto a future without ... 

Long term goals set

A bumpy ride yet
The ease a home to get
irritant in days gone
days today in the long
Outside once belong
Peaks Mounts and Tors
To see once moor
Invisibly stuck behind the door

Time runs away ...

Back in the past ... 

All the things people say in response to this ... the majority do not know what I am talking about ... 

The same with being outside ... my life was wrapped up inside ...

It is very bright outside ... the sights and sounds over whelming ... No one gets it ... 

I have heard most things ... When I can be bothered to respond ... 

The inside is getting brighter ... It is strange ... from the recent ruthlessness in habits and layers of time removed within ... Well the teeny tiny start ... 

Allotted Day for checking

all in order with the budget regularly and weekly ...

This is difficult at times when the past absorbs me back in with all around ... When striving to move forward ...

The pulling every which way ... 

Which again I gave up explaining and focus img  my own energies where I see fit ... Including those dark thoughts ... sometimes in the early days ... those evil ones ... 

Switching off after the day surround ...

I did not venture out today ... I believe the sun was shining ... I was enwrapped in love and troubles within the home ... And carried away in time past present and future ... 

Tuesday After a Bank Holiday ...

A park with smiling employees enjoying tending in their work 

After being in for four days and carried away in plans past to forward ... It was time to feel the air outside ... A perdantic bus driver and some miserable faces did not dampen the mood ... The majority smiling to me for a change ... Nature in the Spring ... And not just nature doing the flirting today ... 

A Long Weekend ...

shut away from the world ...

Only this time transported afar from within ...

from within the home ...

... I have travelled far ...

An attempt to try some where new ... that failed .. It was one of our isles ...

Instead I will see a goal set for the Autumn to travel different to a place I know ...  We see how that goes ...

The conflicts of familiar to something different ... the emotions set in ...

life glimmering from afar ...

emerging ... We had a life beyond the way the home came upon ... We did what is perceived the norm ... Sitting and lounging and playing badminton tennis and those silly games outside ... getting activities flowing through experience this all gives as a family ... 

These echoes past through the personal timeline with kin...

Again photos treasured ... emerging without a grimace of a smile through a skin infection on those first ones post crisis ... 

Early Times of a new grief ...

Swanley Park 

Garden of England

Saturday 2 April, 2016

The day old neighbours and work colleagues of many decades were notified of a death ... followed by a walk and ice cream in the park remebering many times over many decades spent here ... 

... August Bank Holiday fireworks, open air cinema, picnics, fish and chips, the usual swings, slides, on the boating lake and recreational train and so much more ... 

Bristol ... a view out ...

of a coach window on journey back different ... 

31-03-16

Those blues in the sky that day I travelled back to life different yet again ... A perpetual change on a daily basis ... No wonder I don't know my time in time ...