July Days

the dust clouds within, the sunshine that one gets smitten with ... 

The experience of the locality we take for granted. The local farm with an abundance of seasonal goodies on offer. The season of the purple fields before the harvest and distilling the oils within this crop of lavender. The amazing tingle on the senses ... sight, smell, the awe and wonder. 

Dad always with me

and those who gave us the encouraging times in the Guide movement. 

From June 2015 ...

The look out in new environments of all escape routes. It is as standard for Housekeep in certain meetings or journeys. And not for others.  The interface of safety instructions now again questioned after a towering inferno in real life. These are guidelines. The way a fire safety instructor only recently at a training day advising us of our fight or flight status when faced with these moments. He said that people do what is deemed silly but makes sense to them. They find people hidden in all manner of places when responding to a fire call... 

This is not understood in the outcry from a residential tower fire in recent unprecedented times. People would have been in the various hiding places to do what they deemed right for them in that should we face the hour of death when trapped.  ... 

There is the quandary too on a train, travelling in a metal box that might require sitting on the ledge and dropping down when no platform available... it is not always safe to stay on a train in a maybe situation... just as it is not safe safe to go out into a strange environment between platforms ... 

Rail, trail and now ...

.... under bridges; across from bridges ... either London town on the Thames, or on the border of Devon and Cornwall ... are only a few now seen in experiences again. Including the Millennium footbridge in a city, and the Challenge Anneka footbridge in a town. 

The ideas to make a collage of many themes in this continuous dip back in the pictorial images now coming together in chronological order. 

the first time crossing a rain soaked bridge in a car on a misty grey day. It is usually by coach now that I cross this particular river. Although up above is this same road bridge ... A view bridge to bridge from a train journey... 

I have much to keep me occupied that is more interesting of the muddled past. And keeping the Housekeep up on the new life happening! 

The breezes awash

this summer season The joy of getting out to do something more constant. It still brings difficulty when I alter the dynamics. 

One time I will be settled. Another time just to walk away from a life still not quite have my head around in flashes ... 

I am currently enjoying the warmth of the kisses of a breeze on skin still not quite used to the sun in places!!!

Tucked in

the corner of a Nurses station on a ward one day, stuffing envelopes with seven leaflets for the patients to transfer with them. The surreal experience of a time in the middle of a busy professional environment. 

A time where it impacts on being in a busy team once agin although in an alternate environment... The extended career gaps we can have, and the unintended severe career gaps too for those away from life altogether...

The inspirational stories of those before me ... of a really traumatic time of losing a whole family in a tragic prescription drug suicide mass killing of a known prior secondary school teacher to me, his son found his Mum killed by a loving family father, he was later found dead too. And a family not known to me ... the one who came across the scene of an unspeakable scenario, training to become a nurse from that experience from a time of near suicide for them too!!! 

Piers, Weirs, waterwheels and tears

and a lot of memories in names restored. The cove that was a favourite off the beaten track. 

The ones I did remember... A trip to  Cotehele with Dad ... his memories in his office, mine here. 

The name of parts of the moors from doing the Duke of Edinburgh... 

A receipt ffor something retrieved. The jewellery I still have worn in photos. The normality in some deceased belongings to mine, in all that we keep sorting in the deceased belongings which seems one on top another ... 

All the collecting together over this time in various big gaps to somethings just slotting into place ... a real mix that my daughter relayed time and again with those that saw. The clothes dumped from the photos we now have right down to all the accessories!!!! 

A time in an heritage museum of product labels, carrier bag styles of time in still within four walls we swept through one house in months of seasons and now finally doing mine! 

Easter Cracked

... none of the indulgences again this year ... The simple pleasures with kin ... it is good to come and go, when of mind to in the adjustments ... 

Everything in a place back gradually ....

With such deep loss I never thought I get to experience any of all that I have ... this year the culmination of a detached cottage by the sea to look ahead to. The herald of time in others requirements ... and yet another due process of wrong doing in this world I have swilling about ... of not understanding hoarding and the implications on our lives now!!! 

Stats ...

varied and wider now time moves on ... and too much to keep tabs on like some do. Once I was very into stats. The geography beyond without stepping there. The data that supports much. Estonia brings special memories of a special service between two towns one year in Dartford. 

The top many so diverse now depending on the type of blog. The word and image of the popular posts appreciatively interesting. My own daughter who would be biased, finds them of interest. They show facts and life as is, even if slightly not right, wobbly, fuzzy or grammatically errored. It is me to an extent that shows a recovery from the brink and sometimes back again ... with a bounce back stronger each time at times ... 

... Plans afoot ...

to extend the boundaries of familiar which is always now horroudous to do ... the flailing no one now sees ... today the patience of Londoners showed how good the manners in most today with some of my ways ... 

... A view on waking ...

... one March Monday ... 

... Another county, another time with a cousin ...

.. on the mourn of yet more memories recounted and made ...

A speedy turnaround not used to ... a road trip first on long haul with a daughter 

An evening meal first with a cousin. 

The conversation much in our shared and not  histories of time in Newquay and Paignton with our paternal Grand parents ... 

The legendary cooking of our Granny once again in reminiscing, we have both have never tasted anything like it since ... 

A birthday week start

With Many dedicated days to various activities. A bit of an assault on the senses on the capital rush hour journey with commuters in a diverse environment...  to travel on a speedy train to the North West of the country ... 

The original plans altered from a home sit to pet sit to going back into the South of the country to pay our respects to a Paternal Uncle ... 

Then a Bon voyage to a daughter. The time to attempt Liverpool or Birmingham or a little nearer in the coming days. 

First to see how the road trip down to an area again not seen in too long impacts on the senses ...  the spiral of time in others continued failings of a fellow human being. A being who died deformed in a personality once popular to a shadow of the former self. A time in disdain from society in the murky waters of undiagnosed psychosis and misunderstandings ... 

Those silent

celebrations of your child's birthday ... I have the weekend of weekends. Again the mind travelled far. The body has not. I did go out yesterday. The wind down of a home in preparation to be away.

The fact I am going up ... not on the birthday, shows I am in my own life mode of immense change. I have passed so far all the necessary documentation to work in a voluntary capacity, on the many variants of vulnerable adults and children departments within a hospital environment. 

Another vital appointment the day before travel ! 

Another zig zag

parallel of routes staring and staring up again. The time in many flounders of spirit within. The pendulum swing out of sync, but in sync.   The journey taken today. The first time in a Macs on me own! I entered within another environment of memories today. The determination in the silent seething through gritted strength ...  

A lush slush

... the snow surprise again this year. I am alone in thoughts within a world in still within a time band. 

I came back to the world after a very tiring few days, tucked inside with the mess in muddle. And it was snow white out th window on arising this morning ... 

The enticement

from a home delivery of groceries aiding my appetite back. The save of time in lugging. Despite the fact too weak a while to do so anyway. The time in heal of hormones awry. It does mean I could still have a sibling finally for a daughter. Only it would classed as an only child again. 

Urgh ... to go through that again in such space dimensions... the change since ... social media ... and the perpetual cycle of the school years runs, responsibilities, repeativenesss  ... !!! 

My first beau still having children not quite teenagers yet ... at our age ... 

I was just shy of thirty when I had my kid ... and those school friends with great grand kids now, such as those who had children when still at school themselves ... 

The perplexity in dimensions of one generations off spring ... 

Thy bin smells

The time in ill limbo...

I tracked back in the automated archives to track thy steps ... it tis too long for the record. My sister will forgive for she hears the ill in thy voice ... and I would not take it lightly to ask for someone to come here. 

As it is ... to smell the bin and see the state of myself I plopped in the bath and intend to do basic errands ... at my last first aid day it tis advised to go outside if you are on your own in feeling you need assistance. My legs caved too much to do so ... I sat it out ... moved with care, ate the best I could ... my secret ways in nutritional values when unable to cook at times etc etc etc ... 

I may or may not indulgence some of my inner secrets ... on these matters ... I do keep myself to myself the way I cope in thy circumstances ... 

Defunct this far

along in time, one would think now this blog ... but oh no ... all the time I am lumbered with the cumbersome tide of piecing together a world and getting lost in it ... I get entombed in the invisibility of life ghost of past 

 I can tell from my steps o meter which days out recent ... 

The step o meter

is my gauge to the outside world ... the memory jog when days blur in the receding depths I am now back among... at least today more affirmative plans for the time away to keep one going ... 

The reminder too now I am enticed to be a pet sitter. The nurturing time again ... it has often been said to get a pet for company. ...

I am enjoying the freedom of whims ... after being couped up too long for anyone ! 

In ... Out ...

.. in and out ... and disperse it all about ... in fact a lotta work it out ... the antagonistic in part today. The very much getting on with the lot of it. A hearty warming meal made even though a bit of a muddle in mind ... after clearing the head in three walks out in the light drizzle... 

The days

that I still avoid I will keep moving The fact I have holed up less on returning after I rather be inside is progress. And I am probably getting a more discerning shopper too. Especially for the traditional post festive month blues ...  This is amazing ... 

A frosty white covering ..

... and a beautiful sunrise witnessed ... the start of a day for a car, train, tube train, and train and the walk  ... journey...

The train just pulling up into another well known city. This route we made the most of with the young person railcard to see many people and places over years back. 

The full circle on lone travelling again ... this time in the early widowy way ... 

The functions back to a life explore beyond habits of OCD or plain over the top in a phobic way 

assertive in time festive

to challenge the lurking echoes of four walls and a ceiling that became'th ... the dilemmas diluted in ducking the challenges for a time. The different social and craft activities once more and in a triangle of places. The old anew and new new. The totally cosmic sparkling glittering spectacle on the senses ... will help chase away the coming blues,  the red rage and blankness of what is to face in delving back in the mould mess of circumstances bellowing silent within a home