Inspired in much this December month in many venues and events amore again. I will need to have a rest on getting back to the quandaries  ... it has been fraught. The bus service running for part of the train journey I tend to avoid. 

I and my family have paced me. I have had two complete rest days on those near noticing my quiet struggles ... only this week. 

I have done so much for the first time post crisis. It almost could be interpreted as normal. The invisibility of the silent strength, that can crumble at any given moment ... 

Natures Bounty

out with the secateurs... collecting items for a Christmas wreath later, beyond the garden wall. 

Chester nearly ...

Nantwich, Sandbach, Swanley in Cheshire, Hanley, Shavington, St Mary Cray, Bickley, Chistlehurst,  Ringwood,  to name some. A road trip down in to Cornwal from Durley on the small piece of land connecting Devon into Cornwall.

All places not seen in circumstances crowding s life once free spirited. 

My family announcing we were in Cornwall apparently I was asleep unaware ... my mind still in Cheshire with the last week my feet not touching the ground! 

The test in

all those therapies so far taken in bobs along the waves of grief beyond .... for an extended December experience in strange familiar environment to come ... a grit in strength will enforce the next stage for next year in options in all star strands of life ... 

Conclusion is made

I will start on a list of to find again and get some one in to do a part at some point next year ... to clear in debris to move on ... and from ... 

This will free up to form some form of productive life again ... 

Memories from last year

now appearing in reminders once not there ... in such recent times of mine ... 

One word does not describe it ... when one lost so much time only few can really know and less when it is in different circumstances to war or conflicts different ... 

Tis still busy

out up at the store from the internet research stats ... not that I always believe what I see ... only it is that time of year... I really do not need any more madness in surround.. after my bath I put on my relax attire ... now I am more in the mood of a hibernation ... than venturing out in ... bumping trolleys and sorry's ... 

... ?? ... Sleeps to countdown ...

... the entrance with the sleeps in countdown at the superstore is in the opposite direction to my end of town ... I have no idea today how many? All I know is I had hoped to venture out last night again to get in supplies for packed lunch in readiness ... 

Unfortunately a bit of a fracas just outside, opposite me with a lot of shouting and banging about including my door in the way of the anger ... ... I stayed put ... a combination of Friday night and festive expectations where tempers get more frayed! 

I anticipated instead to go out early today ... then realising it is now heaving in the shops in festive countdown manic madness  ... 

I may go later ... ???? 

A bumpy ride

in a week anew old .... the must be tiniest office in a building filtering in and out all the goodness of kind in society... 

And many windowless rooms ... 

The previous environment in a town in Kernow was beautifully planned ... which I believe there are rumblings for a change in venue? The building was designed to have windows all round. The day room like a summery feel all year round ... 

The Christmas lights and trees put up. The tree on a busy market day ... The day the council run over time to clear the debris by such market days  ... 

The fear in thy love

of explore ... the thundering tensions. I am in wind down and up mode in transition of retrieve and remove ... 

... to get to assist others ...

....where others think I am swarmed by social interaction ... I continually am met by professionals who supposedly do not realise after such terrible unrelenting isolation of hate for Mental Health ... I am OK ... 

I am not being funny ... but social media brings out more of the Self  in all I am in contact with ... which adds to the emotional  ties and baggage of the past .... 

... When ... where was everyone? 

The fear in thy love

of explore ... the thundering tensions. I am in wind down and up mode in transition of retrieve and remove ... 

... to get to assist others ...

....where others think I am swarmed by social interaction ... I continually am met by professionals who supposedly do not realise after such terrible unrelenting isolation of hate for Mental Health ... I am OK ... 

I am not being funny ... but social media brings out more of the Self  in all I am in contact with ... which adds to the emotional  ties and baggage of the past .... 

When where was everyone? 

A Rush hour

market circuit walk to get the gas and electric... the faff about when down and out in life ... the places less to get said top up. Then you got get home and put the bleeding money on !!! 

And that still has connotations for thee...   the haste in life with a complex character ... cutting off the gas supply and dead in cold literally ... That still a shock in my system that makes me nauseated 

The Triage in

tentative travels ...

Stats in Facts 

The new hoard in the cloud ... the location foot print for reference point in how I was like a kid over enthused with my toys ... The gleen in images. And those now deleted .... and those now added never seen until this weekend last ... And those not locationed ... how we clutter without realising too !!!

All Hallows', Festival of Lights.

fire works and sparklers blasting outside, whilst the rustic blend of soups and mulled spices wafting out thy home. The super moon, a  

The autumnal colours, the teddy yellow to help the kids ... the glittering array of overstuffed shelves beckons now ... in this time of much gone ... but not forgotten ❣️

Flunctuations

in attempts. The brief glimpse of life outside. The darkness of times. The fight or flight. The random influxes of a life in organise. It disappears then resurfaces. The strangeness. The one thing in commitment the longer end goal. 

As can be

news of the weather was told at my door yesterday ... it was cold, apparently.

The brief times in a week out .... yesterday was in ... The  current sound of the patter of rain drops. The golden decaying brown leaves scattered on a lawn seen out of the kitchen window. 

The silver mists on the horizon. The sky recently lit with sparkles. The sombre gleam of the morning tears on the windows ... 

My mood intermix in sadjoy of much to come ... 

A little tad of expansion

an interview to attend ... The rigorous involvement into the volunteer world different. Another strand of options. 

All experience in getting all the ID needed, DRS and Confidentiality forms filled out and into my bag I used last year in this start of meetings, taster and training days. 

I have now to book an interview slot. I still have a few queries to chase up. The preps in co ordinating myself into a work environment comfortable outfit and shoes. The expanse of a building to contend with. The errands and experience starting with hours to suit and expand? 

This will be interesting ... 

Another task

....In deciphering others muddles... 

A mute point with a cashier in Aldi situated in the checkout nearest the entrance point to shop ... putting the hand basket back there when I had emptied out my groceries ... it was noted ... for a lot of customers do not do that ...

It just made sense to me ... and to them ...

Well ...it saved them some work ! 

****

And yet again another shambolic set of forms, not numerically ordered or set out on the page in alignment for printing ... 

Although I know how difficult this is ... 

It does not portray the organisation in good light for me to apply ... 

A point made if I sat on that committee or gave feedback! In this new world of accolades and back patting more modernised since last here! 

Supplies in mid evening

flow in a walk out in the darkness ... the stress pumping through the ears earlier in the day and a bit of a nose ache. My weaker parts pound in aches, in times of these. 

The food treats in the tease of time keeping me with the past, as much as I want it to pass in the whisps of the winds now back away from this time ... 

I have been trying to retrieve a Apple recipe or few that is escaping me. Appeltaart is one and the other is from my teenage years I made... 

It is all very well finding it online like I state. There are times a memory is jogged. The knowing that you cannot encapsulate old days. You make the new times. It is just nice to make food you made along in time and built up over the many times shared or not, that cannot be found elsewhere...especially within the regions ... 

A robust

walk up to the store, finally this dark evening, a start on the much required groceries etc. I did forget and not bother with some as is usual at times.. It is a tad dizzy in me health currently. A start on the meals planned though. The array of new products after the store revamp still getting accustomed to like everyone. The evening shop at a time when commuters were passing through ... 

Attempt in kindness

to thyself today ... The spirit of that feel in letting down thy hubby feeling .... to no... we are all individuals .... he was the one who decided to not be there for the life there still was left in the twirls of OCD mind off on to semi self destruct mode  .... and the look back on the achievements back in thy own life ..... 

And now to try and finally get those groceries and top ups in all areas ...

... time Not out ...

I was enveloped in hibernation mode. The natures way of preparing me for the embattled in thy abode! I hope to do what was supposed to be done today, tomorrow ... 

A Time Out

tends to achieve more, though easier said. The market day, today can pack up early. The route today is adjusted from much to just maybe the one shop. I will spread the errands over the rest of the week for I have hibernated a tad! 

This legacy on my skin infections need some fresh air to waft over me. The change of scenery this year alone good too in getting a life. 

I need heights of life outside again. The easier access. And that will come from a town nestled in a valley on the estuary. A hill walk up to the views of the moors at the tip of town. I see it differently than to those who are there. And the only way to see something's is to get there myself. 

The catalyst

in fatal. I will have a look maybe to see when my last steps out were? The days and nights do but merge in the depths of the abode. Tomorrow I require the hoard in replenishing the used supplies. I have not dipped into those emergency ones yet. 

I do not intend to. The day the monies go in and out on the monthly bit of the budget. And then again on the end of the week. And the monthly supplies are in need. 

The flow of items needed in clean and clear en masse ... 

The importance of

feeling love in care ... I just having a warm filling basic meal ... The pitiful time in ignorance of basic needs. The sight some saw and still walked away .... once some seasons since now. but still painfully etched in thy memory ... 

How did we eat? wash? do laundry? Social interaction? uttered not on many lips. 

Friday in Folly

despite the deepest of mood deeps. I went out to get a good mood meal. I hope to repeat that today. A good pump round of the blood flow to those saddest depths within. The work out of movement within what cannot be seen. And sometimes not even felt 

... A day away ...

to correspond with the world. The next bout towards the week end. The month end too. The Remember this day churning out the memories to remind in the haste and haze of toooo much ... 

Attempt in a daily

dose even on duvet days in movement once more ... A glimpse out of life again, of the Orient express. The orange and black of all things hallow, the twinkle in radiance of the indulgent season to come. A time in an enclosed shopping mall of all things very much seasonal. The feelings in sparkle and dull.  

The time I sit back and see the ridiculous scenarios of much want in no need. The happiness of true gifting peeps out in some. The couple in mature choosing the crackers for the table yesterday. A lovely setting in scenario.

I do struggle with Christmas now. That is natural. For the day my husband died, was right bang in the season when minds supposed to look after others were elsewhere in that diffendence of fesitivities to feast in greed ... and overdulgence. I was a ramshackle of my former self. One Christmas. One time. Another time indeed. 

The sands of time now in last season of better will and this,  I am finally able to enjoy it again with others, and away from here to boot. Last year in a beautiful welcoming home of another new family in our lives for a daughter ... up North. 

And a Mum this year, knowing a daughter in a new home in peace of the first season in this home, up the North of England where I will spend some of advent this time. I will span four areas in homes and many counties in anticipation and a proposed diamond wedding anniversary near the anniversary of both a robbery and death approaching the festivities ... that should certainly take my mind off the impending time. I will now probably be with others this season though the most of advent and into the New year. A time that used to be so. 

Though I have become a selfish lone person in this time alone. We laugh at how I have adapted. 

Two Trips

for the one mistaken product to exchange. The work out in glitches today. It gave me plenty to learn. And twice as many steps taken today. Therefore not all frustrating. 

I only hope that tomorrow, I am not chasing up yet again for the problem dealt with from the financial year time eight seasons back? 

Another semi sunny

day a brief out in the neighbourhood. The kept to the required shopping and ideas and back again ... The onslaught of rid of life still within a home. The bring in up to date with what I require and less of the other excess we can carry through life ... 

The hoard making me into a declutter freakish time ... The not keep... I will get in time of need... the scurry and flurry ... where others are not in a hurry 

A wide circular

walk in steps of record ... the data shows the days in limbo loud and clear. The conflicts noticed by big brother in silent only to me. 

All around is life indifferent to me while I go about or not. I am in the twilight zone of living both lives as part of a couple and of a single person. The view out in experience of both. 

The early days when people went back to their lives without a backward glance. The hideous thoughtlessness of much. Crisis pass a little on .. those that said they aged that day. The shared silence of those that did look back 

The embaressed father today again, when his young son peeped through the letterbox. I happened to be passing at that moment. So I peeped back out. One does not always get one, with what one now does. I do not mind, I am free of a lot of burdens now. And hope to be even more so one day. Where once was worry, it goes in the wind... 

The new worries do hinder much in conflict. I embrace the tomes in times when they do not 

I too am transported back to when we have no qualms once as children once upon time to ask, do or investigate ...  although I am childlike in moments or feel like a teenage I do feel conflicted and or confused at times  ... 

Another ... Another ... Another

Monday ... in October in a turbulent year

The time in more than life cycles of deaths births weddings and celebrations in all spectrums ... An October again with much to celebrate at and already with a rare photo of a sister in recent years with blowing out her candles ... 

And now settling in for another period of time in delving in, the  distractions and distributing items every which way you probably can't think of unless attempting to assist in such mounds of moving one self. 

When things are not contained, shifted and tidied on a regular basis becomes impossible to catch up. A Dads philosophy of much in dealing and keeping on top of life and dealing with problems to my sister and I under his nurture and guidance as we grew ... 

All went out the window and non exstance bath water for a while 

When complex needs came in ... and society went against us ... 

One may not

have been out since I have been back ... One still travelled far in the mind and into a world beyond. The distance travelled in these days back, feels as far as the trip back here in distant. 

The words in mix, the mind in churn. The journey far in plans. The process of ... you are mow friends, the online chat, the face time, the real time chat, the purchase of an item, all without leaving the home, stated as such already in media adverts, in other people's words on articles show how isolated we could generally become anyway, though actually we are not. There is social isolation and social isolation. The could be and the actually feel of hugs and sloppy kisses of others now a distant memory but so too not. The much in happen more positive than in a while. 

The long road still ahead before the total enlightenment 

The emergency supplies

in use not for the icy conditions when the countries goods and food supplies do not reach the links from source to the shop shelf ... Not when the weather in extremes of the tarmac melting and water demand on the shelves sell out ... Not because there is a curfew on public disorder because of impending doom ... Not because I am snowed in ... 

It is for time in my internal transition after much when I struggle with the demands on me in the misunderstanding of me and myself of a time trapped in the disarray of another's 

Any anyway what is interpreted for some ... for me I am icy in bitter ... hot in the turblance of a whirlwind of life rushing by, while my life is in slo mo ... My doom imploded ... And I can get snowed under with the crumbling decay of damp dusty musty ... Still around in parts virtual and real 

The influx of

much anew old on the senses that needs special attention... The heal in soothe of the attempts of outside life ... 

The air and movement in simple walk of exercise a godsend after the encumbering lack of air and movement on Maslows hierarchy of fundamental requirements... 

The transition of readiness in the preps of food in meals and hygiene on returning from the sensations both good and bad to process in ... the times in need of being alone to quell the overwhelming beyond comprehension times I get in feel of less numbness after so much bereavement in loss of things as well as structures. It goes without saying the loss of key people in ones life as norm. The abnormal in living in an extended life store room of another's complex OCD of life in stress depression into hoard and physical derelict in determining deterioration and beyond that death in part of a life still as raw as it was then ... 

Autumnal in

the air yesterday  ... a lot cooler with the weather breaking into those post hot air conditions ... 

Thy words escaping me or muddled at times. A lot intangible, that is nothing new. An impending time with my family. The struggles in getting there. The attempt to relax. And get the tasks and words into flow. The weather words escaping me presently. 

My mind overloaded, then in a better place ever so briefly before it disappears again. The tantalising glimpses of life getting to run like clockwork within my grasp, then the next batch of dilemmas come along. 

Thy plans scuppered

... A shift around of walk outs jostled about ... 

the hope for a graveside visit and a sunrise walk on hold ... with forthcoming time elsewhere it might not fit in this altered schedule. I had hoped to check out some time from the de clutter air for fresh air, a bit. The time in the locality. The other plans in the pipeline to intersperse some days in the week.

The local store revamp is proving to be brilliant. The better lines of stock slowly emerging in new display. A bit of those good long stay products of time back on the shelf in a better way. And of course the expand of stock lines new and old favourites. It seems more spacious in ambiance, less yellow lighting. The clothing section should be reopened today.

Rustled up the time

differently today. And today I have been without my maternal Grandad for the same length with. A week before his birthday exactly he passed away, one year. The September before our May wedding in 1991.

I took an approximate record of the amount of steps I walked this day. Did good. It would be good to continue the walking further I started in Kernow. A trip to Liverpool and local trips here have been postponed due to infections wearing me out a bit .. 

Sat awhile ...

in the town centre during the end trails of another market day ... The requirements for a journey to make sure all things run in smooth as can be. 

I forgot my best in receiving charity, was earlier closing on a Wednesday... I off loaded it to one not so ... 

The meds for the interruption in routine. The food items I can get in, incase I have a very tiring bad journey home for the return ... 

The basic food requirement... 

With the lack of air circulating making sure things get used up the best I am able ... it always smells a bit on return. The nostrils get used . ... 

Today it was in the beautiful aroma spectrum ...all the hard work in getting into the layers where applicable and accessible presently 

With the find

in much since that day that was to change the outcome ... I can get about to major towns on day trips  to start ... with offers on travel ways I have done. It is taking the plunge to plan ... 

I have been snug inside missing a hot day. I did not notice. The cold winds inside takes me to a different hemisphere 

Post trauma

days when other swings of mood come in and propels me back and forth ... these are the careful day... 

I cannot face the world in complete. The steps one takes, for nothing can console me. 

A hot early September sunny

day in my neck of the woods. I have no idea what is like in Kernow or Cheshire. I do know the kid has racked up the mileage in her newly acquired car. The novelty not worn off yet. The damp proof work on her home is now finished. It is looking much much better. 

I have been out in the hot day. The sky was a brilliant hue of blue blue. I explored the areas in progress of a rebuild. And ventured up a part of town, not seen since before the lost time in hoard. I also did a shop. 

A very pleasing shop. This despite a lot of revamping and areas closed off, currently in our superstore. A lot of products now unobtainable for a while. The staff and customers buoyant. That must be the sunny day mood.... 

Research

into the normal journeys outer to the area not in comfort throws as per lots of ideas ... and stumble upons so rampant on the world through those that original opened it up for us beyond the telephone ... 

The sleeper train journeys to Kernow or the opposite in ways ... The Eco travel of buddying up with a car going the same way ... my Dad would have loved that one ... 

The world before the scares of lone hitch hiking ... now you can go online and hitch a ride for cash ... 

Too agitated in the better

to get out in the last 48 hours ... the home silently screaming help at me ... the change in a tad to improve the ambiance ... a zillion more tasks in decisive and decide ... 

... The ready for some many errands to wind down again ... 

for fresh air, new experience in old 

Longer shadows ... migration

and the late summer evening warmth ... with the sky in hues in a smudge of colours on a palette 

a lot enjoying as those who are not ...

A town scape ... one day again be back at Brea Hill for views like this ... 

7-9-2016 

Walk in GP

i may not have travelled to an out of hours surgery over a weekend ...at least  one made it to the open of Monday at the local GP ... 

The journey was past my comfort zone of local ghosts of dilemmas ... It is so strange in how I react to different things at different times ... I did it in a strange area ... it just adds to the fact the sooner I leave here it might indeed help ...? 

Adjustment in my outings

... At least I have enjoyed coffee, meals, pubs cinema for one ... The whim of just doing it ... The start in further plans although scuppered still of lone travel ... The overwhelming sense of too much here in invisible constraints ... 

Finally the trips to venues not entirely as it was yet have been numerous again ... Especially stepping up the challenges... There is still too many periods of time when it lapses. A sisterly reminder or a mum or daughter consistent in the patience. The transformation appreciated in the attempts 

... Much change in the area ...

in the circuit of our life here ....

A shop taking longer or items missing as the superstore in middle of a revamp 

My own road finally getting a squeeze of buildings built rumoured for many a year 

Demolished late in happening ... now done 

We are about to be in the middle of a building site as the construction appears 

The infra structure unable to cope with the amount of cars etc already ... ? 

More buildings this height to join it ... in this town in the future ?

And this land given to the people of this town to enjoy by those that owned it ... the Hart Dykes .. 

Market messy

post pack up time 

The last day of a August in better enchanting moments on those balmy summer days 

Cheshire East town flowers in Crewe near a child's new hone 

And a day of cloud in and out

The image capture of a road cordoned outside my home.The progress of demolition in that road, for the kid

In a Coffee Shop ...

 with a bag ... 

Crewe
26 July 2016 

After delays into London Victoria..

finally on the train out of London Euston... On the high speed train to Liverpool Lime Street ... The culture change I am loving ... accents and all ... 

Anticipating

where once it was exhilarating is now apprehension... I have a rough plan for leaving the county for a while ...  I am not on a timed ticket ... I will be going in my own steam ... I will assist in bringing a new home to sparkle while a sister will be recuperating from another operation with Mum watching a series of DVDs to while the hours .... 

My time with her recent recovery from the other op in readiness for this ....those many miles walked two fold in preparation for her time off her feet ... 

Warmth in Spontaneity...

a new abode to assist in set up ... a foster mum ... with the wishes of her deceased husband to always have somewhere for our daughter's partner to call home, after now a care leaver ... 

And I will be house sitting too, while they travel to Spain for time with his foster sister, who lives there. The strands of new life to know and take an interest in 

This will assist in readiness for being alone in a different area to come ... the stepping stones in reciprocal recovery ... 

Capturing moments in archive

once again ... A portfolio of images in rapture ...

June in 2016

A view over Wadebridge from the top of one the many hills  ... 

A stock take on life ...

from lavender and Lullingstone, recipe collating and the bedroom and kitchen. The home crafts and crafts in general... my late fathers notes, in my belongings with a story to tell in that. The struggles of my life with another's ills ... silent in shown among the word and image ... 

The late reacquainting of life in two places. The eventually struggle in just being known in simplicity. Those old, in conversations with my family, an old boyfriend, who visited my family when his first born arrived, the lady of one of the many old estates, another few or many wishing me well via the distance. Here, a mixture of hatred turning into shock on the events here, those that mellowed and were sorry, others who continued as though nothing happened .. The softening and sorry in hugs and solace ... 

The mix in life of life amix in life, in death in life ... 

The spontaneous

with the planning in pencil ... thee popularity of September and October with August spontaneity...  I would prefer to stay local ... I achieved  the spread of wings from the latest requests of announcing I'd like to at least six mile walk ... the environments surprising not too bad on the senses ...  

We ended up in doing a few of those long treks and a picnic ... 

Which I hope to continue this very weekend ... I am retracing the wooded walks here too and the other places easily accessible by foot, rail or bus ... 

Marshes, meadows, and meandering

along footbridges in sticks and stone, the woods and forestry land, lush in the colour of summer. The tracks, trails, paths, lanes, steps, stones, aching bones, coves, venues, vanes, vales, zig zag paths, quirky in the quaint, red telephone boxes, water pumps, bird boxes, rat traps and bats. The arable land, the crop rotation, the columns of colour all around. The fellow ramblers, cycles in all forms, the swallows, swifts, the vetch, the spliced wild flowers mixed in seed. The bends, twists and turns. The views from the top of the hills. The rivers, streams and sewers. The springs and ditches. The winery, The emmets, the dialect, the local food. The postcards flowing out the shops this time of year. The big issue, the busking. The boats, swans, cygnets, Canadian geese and egrets ... 

And the coach journey home on roads and by acres of industry and arable and homes. The caravans, motor homes out this season. The lorries with our goods. The trains of all types. The level crossings rare now the motorway travelled for most of this journey via an airport and other places. Into a city well trodden on foot, taxi, car, tube over under in rail. And now coach ... 

Then home to journeys for a new journey to commence. A new abode to see. And more experiences in cuisine, places, a venture, volunteer and vocation in vacation ... 

And a beautiful film in a mall, quiet on entry. On exit bustling with night life ... No grey hairs on the bus back home ... No young ones either ... The twixt time in travelling home, before the night owls came out ... 

A healthier glow

of this time ... inwardly still another matter ... The sun, sand, mud, sea, river, drizzle and wind in varied environments, the hill walking, trekking and hiking while sister is recovering. Those photos a plenty, video clips in time now gone. The seek in treasured milliseconds encumbered in the toil of a lesser moi. The grunts in working through the aches of muscles that once could spin a turn, tis rusty and in much need of a oil. The headway in sports tops haversack and other gear more of a reality in all not a pipe dream ... The origin in time once ... Can happen in a different context to therapy saying it will not be in strive ...

I can say otherwise... Never a obstacle not overcome ... Even the determination of life end that was not in a busy time there ... 

a FATHERS saturday

the weather better for Mum this day to lay some flowers 

A walk out to a church; daughter used this, a backdrop for her sixth form media studies film
... the squeak of this gate ... getting a starring role ...

our Saturday plans; put to a sunday ...

Across the roof tops 

a zig zag walk though the woods, to blow out the cobwebs at the top of town with the distant moor views across from the fields of Rough Tor and Brown Willy

A Foxy Friday

Up and down the lanes on a circular walk around and about by brooks in vales

A Rail Trail

the river certainly looked murky, like the rust colour of an unused rail, now long gone to make way for emmets and their bikes ...The local businesses have taken advantaged of this ... it brings in the revenue at a geographic cost ...

this set against the often vibrant greens, in the various lights, of a cool summer day of the impact of the ozone layer ... and over talked about climate change ... in and on our planet Earth ...

A varied circular walk

out in a Cornish town today 

A maize field 

A river bank 

A colourful lame 

Hit the hills running

in the vales of a Cornish estuary ...

The recuperation of a sister's hand after a scheduled operation to improve pain relief of degeneration in the joints. 

Assistance in all those daily tasks while the initial healing takes place. And all the strength needed in the tasks Dad used to do, while my sister is unable to help Mum. 

And the requisite healthier life style for me to return to my functions of rambling, cycling, swimming, the ball and cock games in Badminton, tennis I used to play through to adulthood and new things I missed out on for a while ... 

A long walk out up the hill to the out of town superstore with sister ... the very first of our many planned walks ... including a bus ride into Padstow and walking back along the Camel trail ... My request ... 

A London borough

for a special final farewell ... a lunch and quiet reflection 

A drip drip drop ...

The sky a cry The sky make a noise ... a rumble a few ... in angry thunder claps 

a Friday in pasture green

time out in a recreation field. The movement of mingling in life where otherwise I might not see still. 

The superstore layout change. 

The natural change in the seasons. The bright new greens of the tail end of spring. The wild flowers. The surrealism of scenes in front of me; reminding me of times spent elsewhere. 

The disused airfield where I learnt manoeuvres, in driving. The time spent on friends farms. A walk in tracks and woods ... 

Walking in dark green and brown forest with carpets of bluebells ... the natural springs ... those fascinating  break taking waterfalls and rampaging waters rushing and thundering past 

Natural areas for swimming ... and diving ... 

A mid week market day

again I went out on one of the busiest days ... This prepares me for the ten minute walk soon; of a bustling city centre in its transport hub. 

from ... a kitchen window ...

... it looked more summery ... 

The grounds maintenance team did the communal grass today 

Their cycles were out this time ... it was quite long on this occasion ... The hedges and weeds are sprouting growth ... all looking greener with the recent rains ...

One does not go far to notice ... and a Banksy was done ... 

I only know that piece of news ... cos of sister 

Again I have travelled

afar without leaving the den
I supposed to have seen the Alps
not just from the sky ...
Now me daughter and her boyfriend
are planning times in catch up then
To give me confidence from thence in
to times when I go alone in glens,
dales, lakes and mountain ranges, or isles in Skye
Or a Scilly to live and work too. Only so much one can do.
From time lost then, from those that did not when.

My last big trolley and handful

to the Charity shop ... today ...

for now ...apart from the dribs and drabs ... I am likely to do ... I know what I am like ... Once I am on a mission ... 

Eventually the

much needed requisite air ... I am preparing the food in for the packed lunches, those who eat me out of home ... and the goodies to pack in a travel bag ... the Girl Guide in me; that motto that sticks with you ...

It looked quiet in the store tonight ... until you arrived at the tills ... 

A conversation starter at the self scan ... All the non conveyor belts were not in use tonight ... It was awaiting one behind the other ... the commaradery with the conveyor belt broken and working it out with our baskets ... setting a new system going ... 

A Market Day

A wet noon ... I presume we have had rain since day break ... only I am in tipsy turvy mode. The continuing ardous task of bringing life up to date ... At all hours of a day ... 

I may be  too tired to go out in daylight hours to get some errands done ... ?

The one day ... three day public hols

and once I am resettled in this muddle abode ... I will seek outside pastures on my own and with others 

I did a seek time outside ...only to get supplies ... I did sit awhile to admire the view of those in summer gear and the white legs reappearing ...

Oops ...  phrase a carefully ...

I took photos of nature .. you cannot go to far wrong with that 

I admired spring in the air of humans fauna and flora 

taking those photos in a non tourist place 

Without kin teasing me either 

I have enjoyed many others undid y'all work. Those  who patiently take photos of the same thing over and over time.. show casing the cycle of stylised change ... 

Destination in Dark ...

Just as well ... 

I will attempt my outing tomorrow ... that was today ... which I decided not to do the day before 

... I did some cooking instead ... 

... My first three course meal in a while; by my own hands ... 

... basic in celebratory fashion with a toast non alcoholic ... 

... Starter ... 

... Egg Mayo on a bed of crisp lettuce ... 

... Main ... 

Steak with Chunky Chips and peas with a side salad 

 ... Desert ... 

... Our Special Ice Scream ...  

... followed by our luxurious decadent coffee ... 

I will have a shandy another time  ... when in a better frame of mind 

My body is rested ... My mind tis another matter 

Sizzled in the heat

of a cool May ...
one sozźled in a splash
cutting a decided dash
ready for me 'andsome
no longer there

Instead we had a merri
time in treats aplenny
and scooped up a fill
to have a spill
in this 'ere den
with only a hen ...

Nearly a week ...

... since I been out, so to speak.
The wonders in conflict
passes me by, a sky a sky...
yet another time to admire
the clouds all bubbly up high,
or grey mist in low, gives a glow ...

To wake up this day ...

...the wonder in the home of sway

Is this my stay come back to play

did that dark time exist in way,

or mind playing tricks in clay ...

Out the door I can fly ...

... everything to hand 

and able to stand.

Where once it took.

by hook or by crook,

a muster forsook ... 

in time to book ... 

Tucked inside

for too long ... time does run away with me ... A reminder this morning on waking with a nose bleed; to get out of this environment into the fresh air. This where hospitals were set up for this fresh air from the city.

These same hospitals making way for a superstore and more ... polluting the same air sought for its goodness ... 

It seems an age

this time in the weekend again  ... I think it was Friday went I was last out. I had literally better blow the cobwebs out.

The environment makes me laugh ... I found a puddle of water underneath something ... from the last time I had water ... 

And I came across the then new mutual exchange details in social housing. The notification from a time back 

A sign perhaps ... 

The connotations of food ...

... I don't have it easy when I am tired, the foods that was and are ... 

I have not eaten the last meal of the day yet 

I have come up to our superstore to see what can entice me 

A 25th day ... fast approaching ...

I have been tucked inside ... a duvet dayish ...

My version of pottering about in the past of clutter extremes in lounge wear ...

The silver will be passing by in no flurry of activity as would once be. Ironically coming across the third wedding anniversary and the honeymoon bits and bobs ... And others previously long past in the mass clearance and more clear along since now put aside scattered in the memory book or box places with the poems from hubby ...

I will not be wistful ... I have looked, seen and put aside ...

New memories in the making and organising the life I have now together for the place now to be  ...

... The best overall lasting gift ...  

A year worth of words and images ...

...in that time I have spent days in one after ... 

There is a world away from the world ... there is a mission in that ... 

The days where

one wonders what it is all about ...

Stayed in wrapped in the comfort of grief; that actually the world is not cold without your loved ones ... There touch of life linger beyond life and words ... 

Keeping within ...

...  to restore within, within ... 

A day of attempting to pamper thy self

And a bit of tidy up in the mess within the chaos to restore harmony  

... Mixed bag for a Friday ...

... shop 

I usually do this in the day 

This is a tiny peak of how unkempt you become 

I am so carried away with decluttering 

food is not thought of until your body reminds you 

I went out shopping after 9pm tonight 

I stayed in my jim jams 

I did not bother getting dressed today 

This time round ... they actually look like Pjs 

Fortunately that time of day I did not look out of place 

being labelled  a certain type of town 

Only hope I was not too smelly 

I did wash this am ... 

At least I have supplies in ... 

Today ... Is Different ...

I have still to pick up my medication 

My destination today is a soak in the bath to ease muscles not used in a while 

Tomorrow is errands and checking all is smooth in the finances we need to do 

I will pick up my prescription then 

I like being in my world ... I have to step out vaguely or I will seep into time with husband sooner than those you care would like ... 

I will proceed to next step of progress in plan in the removal of life tattered 

If I am not too tired there will be a quick shower to get rid the dust cloud 

I travelled into Dartford

this very evening ...

It was to embrace Thy Kingdom Come ... 

It was not without struggling with lots ... All the traumas of travelling out in this ambiance ... from the times when one moment someone suggest something one minute and blow cold the next ... It contributed to the death of hubby ...   

While I am typing this ... IL Divo are singing The Lords Prayer in my ear ...

In the depths

and deepest darkest parts from a home in depressed times ... 

... To opening up the curtains and some windows  and back on task in determination to get through this process of moving on ...

I know very well I get lost and absorbed. I have attempted small chunks of time in various ways ...

I have realised I have not been out ... Self sufficiency is my middle name ...

On Monday when I was invited to an event ... I pressed the going box ... I now have an outing to get ready for ... too...

... Thy Kingdom Come ... prayer meeting ... A challenge in itself for confidence. Only my sister knows ... that  travelling certain times are even more difficult than others ... This is one of those occasions ... 

Too shattered to go by far ...

... The air seeping in from outside in at least through the windows ... A trip or few out to the bin stores ... 

I hope to sit out in the various parks in town to stretch those muscles now getting access to use again, in the forthcoming week.

I hope to get back on a saddle too  ... All these aims in the aimless time past onto a future without ... 

Long term goals set

A bumpy ride yet
The ease a home to get
irritant in days gone
days today in the long
Outside once belong
Peaks Mounts and Tors
To see once moor
Invisibly stuck behind the door

Time runs away ...

Back in the past ... 

All the things people say in response to this ... the majority do not know what I am talking about ... 

The same with being outside ... my life was wrapped up inside ...

It is very bright outside ... the sights and sounds over whelming ... No one gets it ... 

I have heard most things ... When I can be bothered to respond ... 

The inside is getting brighter ... It is strange ... from the recent ruthlessness in habits and layers of time removed within ... Well the teeny tiny start ... 

Allotted Day for checking

all in order with the budget regularly and weekly ...

This is difficult at times when the past absorbs me back in with all around ... When striving to move forward ...

The pulling every which way ... 

Which again I gave up explaining and focus img  my own energies where I see fit ... Including those dark thoughts ... sometimes in the early days ... those evil ones ... 

Switching off after the day surround ...

I did not venture out today ... I believe the sun was shining ... I was enwrapped in love and troubles within the home ... And carried away in time past present and future ... 

Tuesday After a Bank Holiday ...

A park with smiling employees enjoying tending in their work 

After being in for four days and carried away in plans past to forward ... It was time to feel the air outside ... A perdantic bus driver and some miserable faces did not dampen the mood ... The majority smiling to me for a change ... Nature in the Spring ... And not just nature doing the flirting today ... 

A Long Weekend ...

shut away from the world ...

Only this time transported afar from within ...

from within the home ...

... I have travelled far ...

An attempt to try some where new ... that failed .. It was one of our isles ...

Instead I will see a goal set for the Autumn to travel different to a place I know ...  We see how that goes ...

The conflicts of familiar to something different ... the emotions set in ...

life glimmering from afar ...

emerging ... We had a life beyond the way the home came upon ... We did what is perceived the norm ... Sitting and lounging and playing badminton tennis and those silly games outside ... getting activities flowing through experience this all gives as a family ... 

These echoes past through the personal timeline with kin...

Again photos treasured ... emerging without a grimace of a smile through a skin infection on those first ones post crisis ... 

Early Times of a new grief ...

Swanley Park 

Garden of England

Saturday 2 April, 2016

The day old neighbours and work colleagues of many decades were notified of a death ... followed by a walk and ice cream in the park remebering many times over many decades spent here ... 

... August Bank Holiday fireworks, open air cinema, picnics, fish and chips, the usual swings, slides, on the boating lake and recreational train and so much more ... 

Bristol ... a view out ...

of a coach window on journey back different ... 

31-03-16

Those blues in the sky that day I travelled back to life different yet again ... A perpetual change on a daily basis ... No wonder I don't know my time in time ... 

April in a blur ...

through grief stirred.

Another dying process heard,

until death occurred.

The plans as wished 

Henceforth in some swish,

out and in environment new 

To say goodbye to someone I knew 

From Tuesday 29 ...

More adjustments in those Cornish plans until that journey back through England's counties of blue skies and fluffy clouds of depth ... 

On the morning of Promtion to glory of my mum in law ... I was very much with those who understood me implicitly ... 

And adjusted our plans accordingly to my needs of that day to prepare for the overwhelming task to get out to unfamiliar places to set about the final touch to a life who in turned touched many with a style all her own ... 

Bank Holiday Monday ... Up and Down ...

yesterday...Easter Day 2016
Walk through Memories 

... three flights of stairs and more today ...

THE BIT OF A BUSMAN'S HOLIDAY ...

... finally starting on the task of our late Dad's office and garage ...

... with the improvement in the recent intervention of doctor prescribed medication to aid the health ... was able to assist with the start of this finally 

... consequently too tired to go out ... it has been showery with spells of sun this Easter Bank Holiday Monday ... 

Down the dales

from the hills
blustery times
up on the hills high
over babbling brooks
low in the nook
on through the lanes
now a bubbling stream
up the path through the woods
a walk by in times that fly

Afternoon tea ... In A Cornish Garden ...

A Glorious Good Friday 

... my Mum's ...

Early homemade Easter cake ...

As life springs alterations to my plans perpetually ...

A beautiful brilliant blue sky ... the fluffiest of clouds ...

A fragrant garden colourful garden full of nesting birds and other wildlife

And best of all company of Mum and daughter ... catching up ... beyond ...

A Kernow Charity Drop Off ...

... I am feeling it now ...

I was rested enough to go back out to take some donations to the local charities here ...

We are never for sitting idle .... contrary to what the emergency services eventually saw on coming to that environment .... 

Nothing can ever say for that time lost in inactivity outside ... and the other ...

Rain ... drizzle ...

... and mist rain in the air ...

Trotted down the town with Mum to help with the shopping

Flip Flops and macs today from what holiday makers that are here ... A lot less than usual on Maundy Thursday ...

An afternoon in ... I will watch a movie ... to recuperate some more ...

My head feels drained and whoozy from the physical illness presently ...

After a day in ... Time for some Cornish Air ...

... to blow out the ills ...

Fortunately I have company today ... 

I would have probably stayed in, if I was at home and then use late hubbys stick for reassuring support with the physical lightheadedness .. on venturing out to recuperate...

His stick is still in use ... to hook the out of reaches areas I have in this jolly home ... along with other gadgets when one is left to haul around the home to get rid of the excesses left to me or make changes when ... then there was one ... times ... 

A Reprieve today ...

I have not been up to much to day ... My new medication is doing its work, thankfully ... a lazy day ... by a log fire earlier than usual ... like me when no man about you make do .. until under the weather when a bit of TLC is needed ... 

Hill Walking aplenty

A Friday to get the hair in style

A Saturday there to shop a while

The Monday to get fresh air a mile

In a county of terrain with versatility 

Views in one direction of the moors 

With the highest peaks of its tors 

Another of the old track of rails 

Now the popular Camel Trail
One Royal Cornwall show ground
In greenery of land tis annually found

View of Royal Cornwall Showground 

To the top of town ...

With a bit of a frown.

Up a hill of tracks brown,

At a leisurely pace.

Until a phone call sound,

Brought sooner round.

While admiring a view 

Of such less expanse in space 

To go see the doctor

A step goodbye 

From way up high

Across the way 

The beauty of those distant moor tors

To track back down

Our town today ...

A Saturday ... Old with New in a town ...

nestled in a valley. 

A Guide Art and Crafts Fayre in the morning.

This afternoon a walk through the lanes up the valley from town getting the spectacular views of Bodmin Moor one way, the Royal Cornwall show ground the other on reaching the top of the hills. And of course the estuary.

All the while enjoying the natural pleasures of nature, the baby pheasants, the birds nesting in the bare trees high up at the church yard. The abundance of colour from the spring blooms.

The new housing estates still not seen on the way down the main road back to town that have sprouted up over the time away from the outer world beyond the walls ...

Waking up in a familiar Cornish town from a Kentish town ...

... A few Counties down ...

and getting out in a garden again; before even venturing any further ... My Mum's ...

A walk out across a 15 arch bridge; to get a versatile hair restyle and keeping my thick locks in order. 

The Hub Bub of a Capital City

Buildings have changed the view ... my usual landmark of Battersea was obscured. A lot of people chatty. A lot think a city is cold and friendless. 

But then the world is different to everyone 

The world is different to me again 

You actually have a very interesting advantage being a lone traveller 

I have since I started travelling and mostly alone again have had some very interesting and very varied times 

I was also able to advise a fellow lone women travelling where to meet her family ... And she asked first if I spoke English? 

Waterfall on the walls ...

A shower of drip, drip, drops from the ceiling ... I felt outside without being outside yesterday ... then a stream of people to me ... to check amd make the electrics safe ... 

This from water dripping from above from the flat into mine ... Last evening ... 

blooms inside from out in

which made it less dim 

an array of colour 

until they too fade

like most life in life

it has that time

the memory left lingering

until that too has gone